More Eel Adventures

Dear George,

Good evening good sir, i hope this letter finds you well.  The weather outside is wet and windy with temperatures around 5*C.  My train was 12mins late this morning and a first class stamp will cost you 60p.

Well as i'm sure you guessed from the title i'm about to unleash more correspondence i have received concerning the well being of eels.  Once again i am forced to remind everyone reading this that i am in now way an expert in the field of eel ailments and plead that these questions cease.  Just look at the questions i have been asked this week ...

Dear Little Dave,
Over the years I have become friends with a client of mine, "Doug." I live in Wisconsin; he lives in Florida. We are both happily married and share about family and work. We use instant messaging for work-related issues and to chitchat. We have typed "I love you" to each other at times -- but only if we're being sarcastic, joking around or saying thanks for some help.However, although my husband couldn't give a shit, my pet eel doesn't think you can't say "I love you" to a friend without having feelings or wanting more. I have never regarded Doug as anything but a friend, and he feels the same. Can I say "I love you" to a friend without it meaning something more? Or should I give my eel a damn good slap around its' slimy, pointed, eel face?Yours,J. Jennington, Ohio


Dear Dr Little Dave,
My 18-year-old son left for university over a month ago. While cleaning his room, I found 17 eels. I'm at a loss about how to handle this, figuratively and literally! I want to confront him because he knew the rules of the house (no drugs, no channel 5 and no anguilliformes!) and lied to me and broke them.
I do not want elongated fish in this house! I don't know what to do or say if he wants to come home for school breaks. I pray he is no longer breeding them, but I think I would just be lied to if I brought it up.Yours,Ian, Coventry

Dear Dr Dave MD,
When filling salt and pepper shakers that aren't marked, does the salt go into the one with the fewer holes on the top?Yours,Kev, Kineton

Dear Docky Wocky Davey,
My pet eel Patrick thinks if people are busy they should not answer the phone. I believe it's better to answer and tell the person you're busy and that you will return their call. Sometimes he doesn't call me back for nine hours or even the next day. Then I find out he was watching a movie or spell checking the Argos catalogue, and didn't think my call was "important" enough to respond promptly. As his owner, if I don't hear back, I start to worry, even though he's mature for his age.
When he calls me and I say I'm busy and will call him back, he gets mad and says I shouldn't have answered at all. Will you please tell us what you think?

Yours
Mr S.T. Douglas, Swindon

Christmas is coming and you can expect a lovely Christmas podcast!

Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little Dave