Dear George,
I hope you are well, my friend. The
weather outside is a bitter 6*C. My train was on time this morning,
however I noticed that the Overground trains aren't running this
weekend (again!) due to engineering works. A first class stamp will
cost you 60p. Also, I have just been on holiday to Malta...
“How was it?”, I hear you ask...
well, shut up and i'll tell you!
It was lovely! Around 26*C everyday, no
trains impeding my travel arrangements, and since I have no friends,
I didn't have to queue in a post office to buy stamps. It was
non-stop relaxing. Everyday I woke up early for breakfast then
planted my sweet ass on the beach and dozed to the sound of the
Mediterranean sea lapping at sand beneath my feet. Occasionally i'd
take a dip in the sea, sometimes to swim, sometime just to enjoy the
novelty of being in water so clear I could watch the fish wriggle
away from my pastey pale legs. Then back to my towel i'd stride to
bake the other side of my albino body.
I went all inclusive which meant food
and drink was on tap … the larger tasted so watered down, it seemed
to literally have come from a tap! But it was free and there was
plenty of it. I got to ride in a speed boat, explored some caves, got
to sit on the front of a tour boat (just like that bit in Titanic!),
I got nipped by a crab, swam in the ocean, ordered fancy cocktails,
got upgraded to a better room, spent hours gazing out to sea from my
balcony and went for manly jogs along the sandy coastline outside the
resort. I have seldom felt so serene. However, there was one thing
I took a serious issue to right before my little holiday began...
I flew with Easy Jet, because i enjoy
being striped of my humanity and dignity and being transported in
worse conditions than veal on its way to an abattoir. As we waited
at the tiny cramped area for the plane to arrive, unload and get
deloused I took a seat and watched all the other passengers jostle in
a queue in hope that they got the best seats. In my experience
getting on last is usually the better option. The announcement went
out that our flight was ready to board and that if all passengers
who'd paid for 'speedy boarding' could board first. Next came the
call for any disabled passengers to board, then families with young
children. I couldn't quiet believe my ears; the people who'd paid an
extra £12 got preferential treatment over the disabled! What kind of
a person is willing to pay extra so as to get to board a plane
slightly quicker over an old lady in a wheel chair or a family with
small children? Is that like someone paying a monthly fee to park in
any 'disabled only' parking space? Who is paying to make sure they're
getting the advantage over the disabled? Are they paying the extra so
that they can get on the plane first and masturbate over how much joy
they feel knowing that they have beaten a person in need of
assistance in seizing what are in their minds are the best seats of
an Easy Jet flight?
As you can probably tell, I was in need
of a holiday.
Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little Dave
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