Valentine's Adventure

Dear George,

Let me tell you about a funny old Valentine's adventure i had today.

I love to send flowers, cards and presents on valentine's day.  I'm a sucker for sentiment.  I get such a feeling of pride when i receive thanks for making others feel as wonderful as i feel about them.  It never ceases to bring a tear to my eye, or a lump in my throat.  In order for any cards i wish to send to have a greater impact on the hearts of those i care to woo, i left my posting to today.  This way, you see, my messages of affection are more of a surprise.

The card was written, addressed clearly, envelope sealed and stamp acquired (46p for a first class stamp!).  All i need do now is feed my sweet tidings into the bright red smiling mouth of a Royal mail postbox and let her majesties finest delivery persons dispatch said doting document.

Final collection is at 6:30pm.  I leave work at 6pm giving me plenty of time to negotiate the damp evening streets populated at this time of evening by ruthless commuters all armed with umbrellas and rolled up copies of The Metro.  So imagine the look of horror in my eyes when i at last reached the stout red pillar box on the corner of Catherine Street, and it had a ruddy great metal plate over the slot, with a notice informing me that this post box was "FAULTY".

Now, what constitutes as a faulty post box?  I would say that a post box was faulty if it could not carry out the purpose for which it was built to do.  It seemed to me that the only "fault" with this crimson chamber was that there was a flipping sign over the letter box apologising for the fact that no one would be able to use the letter box.

While my brain whirled away trying to process why this was happening to me, my eyes blinked frantically and my mouth made spluttering sounds.  The heavens opened, the water penetrated all three layers of clothing. The envelope turned into a limp, lifeless rag in my hand and with an empty sigh i vowed to never again express my love without the help of the Internet.

Take care buddy,

Yours,

Little Dave