Did someone say eels?

Dear George,

How are you this fine Sunday?  I'm terribly hungover today and haven't dared step outside but BBC weather reliably inform me that it's 6*C, and since i've not let my house today i have no news about the state of the trains either but since it's a Sunday it's a safe bet that rail replacement buses are the only option for those poor souls who had the audacity to want to go somewhere on their day off.  I can however tell you with complete confidence that a first class stamp will cost you 60p.

Although i am suffering from last nights decision to drink my body weight in alcohol, i thought i'd look through the old mail bag and low and behold it was nothing but questions about eels... for anyone new to this blog i should perhaps explain ... Owing to a misprint in an early blog entry, the impression may have been given that I was the owner of a pet shop in Coventry.  Furthermore, many people have been misled into believing that I am an expert on the ailments of eels.

I would like to publicly state that I have no connections with a pet shop in Coventry and, while I do have a common sense knowledge of eel illness, due to my modesty I’d never call myself an expert.  However, the correspondence has yet to cease.  Here are a select few of thousands of letter i have received this year.

Dear Dr Dave,

I live in Arizona where the temperature can hit 100 degrees and we get 300-plus days of sunshine every year. I always have my pet eel wear his sunglasses when he goes outside, and I get the most asinine comments from total strangers! Everything from "Can I have his autograph?" to "Does he think he's cool?" How can they be so dumb? People, tiny eel eyes need protection too!

Yours,

Jenny, Kent

Dearest Dr Dave,

I was married recently but kept my maiden name. As wedding gifts, we received an eel complete with adoption certificate, alas the certificate indicates that it's surname name is that of my husband.

While we appreciate this generosity, I feel the eel should have a choice in what it's surname is. (The eel was from a close family member on my husband's side who knew I would be keeping my name.) How do we handle this?

In yours we trust,

Jenny (Mrs), Shropshire

Hey Crazy Davey,

There is a man at work I'm very attracted to. He seems to be equally attracted to me. The problem is, he has shown me a few pictures of his domesticated eel that he has on his mobile phone. When he did it, it was completely out of context of our conversation (we were talking about badgers!). We do not have a physical relationship (yet), but I'm considering it. How weird is it that he has these pictures on his phone?

Yours in good health,

J (Jenny). Smith

If you have any questions or stories or you fancy joining me for a podcast, add a comment or send me a lovely email, preferable not about eels!

chinamansadventure@rocketmail.com 

Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little Dave

Chinaman's Adventure Classic Episode ...

Why not listen to last years Halloween Podcast to get you in the mood for a weekend of children beating at your doors demanding sweets... I seem to remember myself and the lovely Zoe spending most the episode slanging off the 'Twilight saga' ....enjoy!

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Halloween Adventure

Dear George,

Happy Halloween! To celebrate the occasion national rail ran my train on time this morning, the sun is out but it's a chilly 9*C and the price of a 1^st class stamp is 60p... Also, I am going to a Halloween party tonight!

In many ways Halloween is my favourite holiday, and not just because women use it as an excuse to dress like prostitutes! I've seen girls on the game with more modesty than the parade of witches, red devils and black cats i've spotted this week.

As a child the whole experience of halloween was amazing; the days leading up to All Hallow's Eve were filled with a buzz of excitement about the prospect of eating ones body weight in sweets. I remember at school being allowed to decorate the class room with spooky pictures of ghosts and bats, hanging fake cobwebs and making the girls scream with strategically placed rubber spiders. Then there was the trick or treating, as a kid this was a mind blowing concept; i'd dress up as something scary, bang on my neighbour's door and get a hand full of chocolate! I do that today and i'm placed on some kind of register.

So, what will I wear tonight? I don't know. I do know I will not be going as a zombie, the lazy man's costume, I shall be very unhappy if the majority of costumes I see tonight are zombie costumes. I like to see effort in a costume, I am after all a man who dressed up as Mr Potato head a couple of weeks ago. Maybe I shall wear again tonight! But make it look more scary … give it fangs, or a pointy wizards hat … No wait! I'll make him into a Potato-Zombie! I am a genius.

I want to hear your Halloween stories! Leave a comment or send an email!

chinamansadventure@rocketmail.com

Take care buddy,

Yours,

Little Dave