Whale Adoption Adventure

Dear George,

As you know I like to read left wing magazines...i like the way they delude me into thinking I live in a world that cares. About 5 years ago I came across an advert inviting me to adopt a whale...why not I thought. So sent off my £20 and in return I got an adoption certificate, a picture of my new whale, Ramesses and a warm glow of smugness. Then 3 month later I got a massive letter with very large writing, it said...

Dear Dad,
how's it going man? Sorry I haven't written, thank you for the £20, however, i've now run out of plankton. Another two grand should tide me over. Ta ever so much
Ramesses

Then 2 months after than I received another letter...

Dear Dad,

thanks awfully for the £2000, I have invested it wisely. I now have a career in public relations.

Love always

Ramesses 

Things seemed to be going well, but the next letter brought a surprise...

You bastard!
You're not my real dad. You think you own me but you don't and you never will. I hate you, I hate you.
p.s. I'm washed up on an Alaskan beach, please come and roll me back into the sea.

And after I rolled him back into the water, he looked up at me with his big eyes and said:

'Dad, I want to go home', and he's been here ever since. He plays his whale music really loud, he eats all the krill in my fridge and he will insist on watching T4 every morning but you know what? At my age, it's just nice to have the company.

The weather here is an unbelievable 32*C, my train was 2mins late and a first class stamp will cost you 60 pence.

Take care buddy,

Yours,

Little Dave