Boxing Day Adventure

Dear George,

Boxing day came and went...

..and after all the dread and worry of getting to work, it didn't turn out so bad, but thank you for all concerned messages.  It was only a short 2hours and 30minute bus ride into London.

On the whole it was a pretty nice day at work. not a lo really happen, the same as any other day, which i always find slightly depressing.  i really miss getting time off over Christmas.  My TV will think we've split up. I think as an adult we all yearn for the Christmas holidays.

Just a short entry today.  feeling very sleepy and a little bummed out.  No one is in the house tonight.  We have a mountain of presents under our beautiful tree that we'll all open when we;re all together, but alas, this won't be for another couple of nights.  So i'm here alone, catching up with the Eastenders Xmas episodes...Pat butcher's not looking too good these days, i hope she'll be OK.

Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little Dave

Christmas Day Adventure

Dear George,

Christmas day began early for me, 8:30am i was up and presented with a cup of tea and 2 warm mince pies.  At 10 o'clock myself and my cousin Pauline were to be picked up and taken to my Aunty's for another quaint Xmas.  I've been coming to Aunty Vicky's house for Xmas for 4 years now and i love it... so here's a warning for you the reader, this is a sickening cutesy tale.

The day begins with gathering up any and all presents not yet under the tree, and piling them up beneath our festive fir. It looked amazing and every year i'm dumb struct with how many gifts there are for us.  There's 5 of us in total, myself, my cousins Pauline and Stephen, Uncle Pete and Aunty Vicky.  None of us are kids, i fact i'm the youngest, but every year we each have a small tower of festively wrap boxes and parcels.

After building our small coloured fort around the tree it's time for a lovely breakfast of smoked salmon and bucks fizz..oh yes Christmas day gives us all that legitimate reason to drink before noon!  While breakfasting we are presented with our Christmas stockings.  This year my sock was full to the brim with chocolate, small wind up toys, an apple and an orange.

Now on to the serious business of present opening.  We all sit in a circle and Pauline fishes out gifts from under the tree, one at a time, and we perch on our seats with great expectations when every prezzy is being opened.  Yes it takes a while for all the presents to get opened but it's fun to see what we got each other and there are always plenty of thank you's, oooowing and ahhhhing and praise for how well everything has been wrapped.  It's a truly delightful moment and last for maybe two hours.  I can honestly say that as much as i love getting presents, i love giving gifts and seeing faces light up...

I did well this, my presents included: An Alan Partridge book, a few graphic novels, batman pyjamas, green lantern t-shirt, green lantern cuff links, socks and the typical box of smellies.

Next comes Xmas dinner...now this year i did have issue with this normally God-like feast.  I walked into the kitchen to enquire if i could lend my cooking expertise to the meal and to my horror i discovered that the roast potatoes were not freshly peeled and cut potatoes but rather frozen ready made roast spuds!  It was like finding out there was no Father Christmas... every year i'd eaten my fill of crispy coated roasties and never knew their dark secret but this year i had pulled the white beard of mystery off the face of my innocence , and found that there was no such thing as a home cooked meal.  I tried to finish my plate, i even went back for seconds, but alas, no amount of turkey, cranberry jelly or pigs in blankets could take away the taste of lies and betrayal in the back of my mouth.... That was until Auntie Vicky set down the home made Xmas pudding and brandy butter... well isn't Christmas a time for forgiving?

Now our stomachs matched the likeness of inflated beach balls, we loaded the dishwasher and planted ourselves around the piano, lit the fire and got out the carols.  Yes that's right, we gathered around the piano and sang Christmas carols.  This is possibly my favourite moment of the whole of the festive period.  We began with a faithful rendition of 'fairy tale of new york' with all of us opting to sing like Shane McGowen.  Next was 'God rest ye merry gentalmen', now we were getting into the swing of it and belted out 'little donkey' and 'we three kings'.  Now we sang a couple of Beatles' numbers, and ended our harmonic caterwauling with 'Good King Wenceslas'.

As evening turned to night, Auntie Vicky announced it was time to open tree presents...little gifts that were hung from the tree. I was simple spoilt! Tea and mince pies came next as we settled down to play a Christmas quiz.  All in all it was a perfect Christmas day...apart from the roast potato farce!...i went to bed at least a stone heavier (18 mince pies i had eaten over Xmas eve & Xmas day) and had a beaming smile on my face.

I hope your Christmas day was fun mate.  no doubt you'll be on a beach somewhere, drinking beer and having a swim.
Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little Dave

Christmas Eve Adventure

Dear George,

Well i'm going to make this brief as i should be in bed, around asleep waiting for Father Christmas to bring me all my lovely presents because i've been such a good boy this year.

Right now it's a rainy 9*C outside, the trains have stopped running but i hear the occasional bus swoosh by my window.  first class stamps are still 46p, but the post office won't be working tonight, it's Father Christmas's turn to do the delivering now.

My day began with a bang… well, several bangs.  The girls were busy bustling about the house, frantically wrapping presents, packing suitcases and slapping on the make-up.  Us theatre folk don't really get time off over the holiday period, only Christmas day, therefore it's a real mission to shop, wrap and pack, work then catch the last train home to the family for the day before gather up all the newly acquired presents and head back to the theatre for boxing day,  So the house was like a carnival with brightly coloured boxes and ribbons in every direction i looked, happy, lively sounds emanating from every room and half dressed girls with beautiful smiles in the mood for party and serving me drinks…ok, maybe that last bit was exaggerated.

I am staying with my cousin for Christmas, so that meant lugging most of my presents across London to open tomorrow with the rest of my family.  I use to live with her and have spent the last 7 Christmases with her and i blooming love it.  We have spent all afternoon eating mince pies, cheesy snacks, drinking beers and watching countless episodes of Poirot and Miss Marple…right now i can't think of a time i've felt so relaxed.

And now i'm here, tucked up in bed…oh, is that the sound of hoofs on the roof? No, it's rain or some kid is throwing rocks at the house.  Anyway it's time to sleep, big day tomorrow… Dr Who Christmas special!!!

Merry Christmas George.

Take care buddy,

Yours,

Little Dave

Merry Christmas... Adventure

Dear George,

What a manic time of the year! i hoped i'd be able to give you daily updates on my Christmas adventure but, alas, everyday something has got in the way of me writing to you.  However, as i'm sure you can imagine Christmas is the same as it's always been and you're missing nothing out of the ordinary...  with this in mind let's get the important things out of the way...

Today is Christmas Eve and it's a rather pleasant 7*C outside, partially cloudy and sadly there is no sign of a white Christmas.  I've not yet left the house to catch the train so i can't complain about today's public transport adventure, however, this Boxing Day the London Underground is going on strike... Now for those of you who don't know, the normal trains don't run on boxing day.  therefore, folk like me need the tubes and buses to get to work, and now i can't.  It's going to take me around 3 hours to get to work on boxing day... just because the tube workers, (who incidentally earn roughly £30K a year, get free transport, and a pension...oh and are always bloody striking) want triple pay on bank holidays. I bet you can't wait to see what type of adventure i have on Boxing day now!

...Stamps remain 46p.  I actually i bought some this week!

So what are the big stories... Kim Jong il is dead, no doubt this news has reached you and you've heard all the jokes.  Hmm...what else, oh England and Chelsea defender John Terry has been charge with being a racist, so not only is he an "adulterer" and a "thug" he's a "racist" and earns £170,000 a week...but even he's happy to work on Boxing day!! Yeah! take that TFL!!!

Enough news, i'm about to travel over to my Aunty's house to spend Christmas.  All my presents are wrapped, the tree is looking lovely and i'm wearing my festive jumper...All that is left to do is to wish you all a Merry Christmas...

Merry Christmas George!
Merry Christmas Katie!
Merry Christmas Russel!
Merry Christmas Big Dave!
Merry Christmas Noelle!
Merry Christmas Zoe!
Merry Christmas...**insert your name here**...

Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little Dave

Postcard Adventure

Dear George,

I've do much to tell you mate, but so little time.  This is just a quickie to tell you i have stories about my day off trip Banbury, the Christmas tree decorating and how i'm getting on with the non-internet assisted Christmas shopping.... But until i post them up let me say that the weather right now is cold and clear over London, 4*C!  My train was 2minutes late but i bumped into Sophie at the station which was nice.  First class stamps are 46p, and this morning i received a lovely postcard from Noodles, your Oriental travelling companion.

Thank you very much mate, we all still miss you dearly.

Take care buddy
Yours,
Little Dave

Non-internet assisted Xmas shopping Adventure

Dear George,

Good evening good sir, how are we today?  I have had rather a good fine day myself.  It began with me discovering there was a picture of a gingerbread man behind the chocolate in my advent calendar.  My train was on time.  Despite it being 7*C it's been a lovely bright and sunny day.  A first class stamp will set you back 46p, and the highlight of the day is that after 5 or so years i finally with the same model, i finally upgraded my mobile phone... it arrives Friday!

Today i announced that i will not be using the Internet to buy Christmas presents.  I will be supporting local/small businesses.  Oh, and i do appreciate the irony in using the Internet to announce not using the Internet!  I'm not going to preach about amazon killing off book shops or anything, i'd just like to see what it's like and whether it's even possible.  You see, i like shopping.  I enjoy browsing through shops and making my way through town one store at a time, seeking out the perfect gift.  I will spend hours at a time, with a glazed look about me as i scan shelves, rifle through racks and investigate inventory just waiting for that ideal present to leap out at me.  It really puts me in a Christmas mood, carrying armfuls of shopping bags, making my way down a crowded high street, all wrapped up to keep the cold out, while all around me there are Christmas songs playing, coloured lights sparkling and occasionally the smell of mulled wine....*sigh* if you hadn't guessed, i rather enjoy this time of year.  So i'll keep you informed to my progress in a Christmas free of waiting for the postman to deliver my packages with enough time for me to re wrap them.

Had some more ideas for television shows...

Rotten to the Corr - Reality show.  Ex punk rocker Jonney Rotten owns a fruit and veg shop and employs the four members of Irish pop group The Corrs.  Each week Jonny sets unpleasant tasks for the Corrs to complete with hilarious consequences. 

In to the Woods - Chat show.  Ex-lovers of professional golfer Tiger Woods discuss their sex lives. 

King of Queens - reality dating show.  Tall haired boxing promoter Don King, Tottenham and England centre back Ledley King and horror novelist Stephen King, travel the globe in hope to woo any and all female reigning monarchs. 

Gray's Anatomy - Sexist football pundit Andy Gray, travels the country working as a life model

...I'll be sending off these little gems off to BBC 3 in the morning.

I hope life is treating you well mate.  The colder it gets here the more i crave the type of weather you must have down there.  In the new year i will defiantly be in need of a holiday...

Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little Dave

Reality TV Adventure

Dear George,

Today is the 6th day of advent and when i opened the 6th door of my advent calendar i was created with a small chocolate with a star on it and a picture of a Christmas tree behind it.  My train was on time today, the temperature is a frosty 6*C and first class stamps are 46pence each.

A new reality show has hit the television this week: "Desperate Scouce-wives" -Ha Ha, see what they did there?!  Although none of the women in the show are actually married.  A classic case of "let's think of a title, then make a programme".  Needless to say, the show is f**king awful but it neatly allows me to use some very old material of mine from 10 years ago whereby i think of pun based programme titles and then describe what the show will be…  for example…

Fish suppers -  Reality show whereby TV weatherman Michael Fish invites celebrities to dinner.  Each week it'll be different celebrates who will mark his performance out of 10.

Pink Floyd - Documentry/soap.  Celebrated chief Keith Floyd investigates the gay scene in every major city across the world. 

Butcher's Choice - Game show.  Soap star Pam st Clemont will reprise the role of TV favourite Pat Butcher and scour the land to find the finest men England has to offer and pit them against each other to battle it out until there is only one winner who'll be crown 'Butcher's choice'.

...oh i'm going to have a lot of fun thinking of these for the next few weeks.  Only tiredness prevents me from writing more.  Why not have a think yourself and send them in.


Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little Dave

Portsmouth Adventure

Dear George,

How the heck are you?  I hope this isn't a bad time and i haven't caught you on the toilet or in the shower.  Right now it is cloudless night, 9*C with a slight breeze in the air.  My train to work was 3 minutes late and the price of a first class stamp is 46p.  Also, it may interest you to know that i am currently on a train to Portsmouth…

…Yes that's right i'm in mid-adventure, i'm not sure when i'll get this out but i will asap.

I can hear you now mate:

"Why are you on a train, on a Saturday night, instead of using your rare evening off to go out and party.  Maybe go hang out with your sister who has made an unexpected trek up to our capital for this weekend only."

Well i'll tell you why.  It's because it's Christmas (well nearly Christmas) and i will be spending nearly and all free time making my rounds to all friends and acquaintances to wish them a pleasant festive season. The reason you may have detected a little sarcasm in my words is down to the fact that these friends of mine are more friends of friends, well more friends of Sophie's, and as much as  have grown to love them all and think of them as mates, i am still irritated greatly by the notion that i am making this brief (brief as i will be returning home Sunday afternoon) round trip to share turkey and mince pies with a gaggle of girls who's relentless topic of conversation is marriage and popping out babies…  And i have just been told, there will be no mince pies!…Oh what is there's to be done?…

…Hello again!  For you the reader this has been mere seconds but for me it has been roughly 48 hours since i wrote the above passage.  Well what can i say…the Christmas dinner was wonderful.  roast turkey with all the trimmings, cheese cake for pudding, rounded off with tea and mince pies.  The company was heavenly, the conversation floated from topic to topic, never settling, always flowing, i didn't want it to end.  so naturally i feel a real shit for the above prediction.  If that was my first taste of Christmas this year, it has left my mouth watering for more…

…That was until i had to get the train back to London.  It was a Sunday so i'm sure you can imagine what a nightmare journey that was.  Three words "RAIL REPLACEMENT BUSES".  I won't talk about the limping back up the country that was my return to London, mainly because i want to save all my public transport criticism for a blog entry all to itself.  And besides, it really was a lovely Sunday.  Sure i got none of the things done i wanted to do.  Washing still needs to be washed and put away, the carpets still need hoovering and eel letters still need to be read, but i did get to wear a silly paper crown, eat my weight in poultry and blame my farts on the small children on the table behind me.

Take care buddy,

Yours,

Little Dave