Much Ado About Eels

Dear George,

Good evening Mr Randerson, it has been another busy old day here in Theatreland.  Another day of rehearsals.  I've got a blinking cold that won't budge and have been slightly hungover all day after going out and having 3 pints... yes THREE PINTS.  what has happened to me?  However, the weather today has been amazing.  Even as i write this at 9 o'clock at night it's still 19*C.  My train was 2mins late.  On this day in 1983 "freedom" by Wham peaked at number 3 in the charts, and the price of a first class stamp is 46p.

There are many reasons why i have this rotten cold, and if pushed for a main cause i'd say it was stress.  Yes, it's the stress of dealing with all these letters i'm getting about eels.  Just look at some of the emails i have received in the last couple of days...

Dear Dr Dave,

My pet eel has a lot of health problems and needs rest. We have even disconnected the doorbell. So why do people ignore the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the front door and knock anyway?

Yours truly,

Ian, Liverpool

Dear Little Doctor Dave,

My eel and I had a debate about who should pay for dates. My eel thinks the man should pay, especially if sex is involved because "you don't want to give it away for free."

I disagree. I say the man should pay for the first, and maybe the second date. After that, they can agree to alternate.

I have been seeing a wonderful guy for about six months. I'm pretty sure I make more money than he does, but even if I didn't, I don't feel the need to be supported. I don't agree the guy should always have to pay.  Times have changed and my eel, being an eel, is not in touch with the 21^st century.  What's the general consensus on the subject these days?

Yours truly,

Jenny, Stoke-on-Trent

Dearest (Dr) Little Dave,

Although I am a 35 year old man, tall, good looking and wealthy I have several bad habits (I pick my nose in public, rarely wash and have appalling table manners) so as a result I have had no sexual experience whatsoever.  Will this effect owning an eel?

Yours truly,

Ian, Manchester

Dear Doc,

I accidentally spilt some white wine on my eel's favourite silk tie. Have you any suggestions on how to remove it?

Yours truly,

Ian, Coventry

...See what i have to put up with.  I'll be loosing my hair next!

Take care buddy,
Yours,
Little dave