Dear
George,
Today is
another unfortunate day to be a commuter in need of public transport,
and another red faced shameful day to be an employee of the train
companies. I have had to wait 32 minutes for my train to arrive this
morning. This is not because of the weather, most of the snow has
gone, this delay and the subsequent cancelations of 2 trains was due
to a trespasser on the line.
As i'm
sure you can imagine the flock of platform dwellers and I were
flabbergasted at the notion of transport police taking over half an
hour to shoo someone from the track. However, in a moment of clarity
I considered other possibilities, and thought maybe I was being a
little harsh on the Network Rail staff. My mind began to wonder,
clearly this trespasser wasn't giving up on his track side morning
amble without a fight. He was running in circles with 5 police
officers hot on his heals just like a Benny Hill sketch. This must be
what was holding up the trains...
Or was
that a silly idea? Maybe it wasn't one single trespassing track
trekker at all. To hold the trains up for that length of time maybe
there was more than one person. Maybe there was a conga line that had
got lost and was using the train tracks to find its way home. This
consequently caused the conga line to grow longer to the point where
passengers waiting at stations began climbing down from the platforms
and joining the back end of the conga. The line would be getting so
long now that the train drivers were confused seeing the line of
people passing their trains that they themselves climbed out of their
carriages and joined the conga in a mistaken belief that these conga
lines wondering along the tracks were actual trains.
Then it
hit me, I knew what must have happened! You see it in black and
white films all the time. Clearly the trains were being held up
because there was a young damsel in distress tied to the tracks
while a tall, thin, evil looking man, dressed in black, twiddling a
thick curled moustache, was laughing manically by her side, and don't
forget the man playing frantic tunes on piano behind them.
Yes,
this could be the only logical reason why the trains were running so
late.
Hope
this letter finds you well. The weather is still pretty parky, it is
0*C outside, and a first class stamp will cost you 60p
Take
care buddy,
Yours,
Little
Dave
